The early bird beats the system

He looked like a really nice grandfather. I imagine he had a son and a daughter, both grown. He probably has a modest home just outside of Sausalito, so he gets to say he lives there. His dog, Rusty, brings him his grandpa slippers though a little slobbery every evening when he gets home. He chuckles at the slobber and sits in his high-back Queen Anne leather chair. "Oh, Rusty" he always says, smiling. His wife, a reformed crack-addict, heats up his whiskey glass just as he likes and pours him a tallish glass. She sneaks a sip before entering into the great room where he sits. Pictures of fishing lures line the walls - he doesn't fish but finds beauty in the lures.

Today, he sat at his judgement stand in room "A" of the traffic court. He smiles at the defendants as they walk up one by one to the podium. A lawyer rushes in, his pant leg stuck in his right boot, holding several tattered file folders. The judge even smiles at him.

He then calls my name. "Oh, you're scheduled for 10:30. You're an hour early." "Yes sir" I reply. I wished I had said "Your Honor." I've always wanted to say that. As in, "Your Honor, I plead not-guilty to this retarded ticket I got from this asshole cop who pulled me over for taking a god-damned left turn on a yellow light." "Hey Marybelle - she's an hour early" he says to his file clerk. She shrugs. "Well, there is no police reporting, so you're free to go."

Balloons in tasteful gold and blue colors fall from the ceiling. The officer sitting in the back jumps on his desk and starts dancing, surprisingly well. A marching band consisting only of trumpeteers busts into the traffic court room playing "I love a parade." Everyone stands up and cheers. I wave at my fans as I leave the room, a slip in my hand that used to say I owed $380.00 now says 'dismissed.' "Don't worry" I assure them. "You'll all be dismissed as well." I say this even though I know it's not true. It's about being there for your fans.

I leave San Francisco County Court house smiling. The early bird beats the system!